リスタート婚は森の中（14）

Love letter on the 35th anniversary

I hear it is called “coral wedding”.  I wanted to get something to commemorate, and got an accessory like red coral. The picture above includes an accessory like pearl which I got on the 30th anniversary called “pearl wedding”. These things were not given by my partner. I got them by myself because he hates to be asked anything especially by me and to think of making me happy.

In fact, he is double-faced. He is far from kind to me at home in the daily life, on the contrary rather, he always leaves everything to me. Thanks to such a  situation, I came to decide and do almost everything alone without him, not relying on him. I should dare to say that I was lucky to increase in ability through his idleness.

As far as I feel, we are opposite in the way of thinking and behavior. However, I think we have three aspects in common.

The first one is that we can not realize we were loved by the parents. I was bullied by my family. He wasn’t but could not feel he was recognized for his ability by his parents, often felt even despised. So we didn’t want to visit each hometown, which made us feel uncomfortable.

The second is that both of us prefer to refuse to argue or quarrel. When either of us felt irritated, we were silent and there was very bad mood around. Nevertheless it was by far the better.

The last but not the least is that each of us never has a finger in the pie. I don’t care about what he buys, who he meets, and where he goes, as long as he can pay for everything he is in charge. He might have cared about me in the beginning, and might do now, but never interferes in my life, as long as I do everything he expects me to do. That is comfortable enough for me to live together.

Now to my partner, Joliot.

Maybe we are a binding lid on a racked pot. Not bad, I think. However 35 years will be enough, don’t you agree with me?  Before our marriage, I used to say, “I admire golden wedding not marriage ceremony”. As time passes, it is natural that things change. I am not exceptional, of course. I am alive longer than my parents. I have been married longer than my parents. I feel a sense of achievement in a way. I don’t think our marriage should last 50 years nowadays.

Writing this message, I begin to consider the rest of my life without you. I am thinking of freeing myself from you. I feel it very difficult to live with a person, such as you, who dislikes both brain labor and physical labor, always finding complaints, never enjoying himself. You are a typical drone. I don’t mean divorce, just live apart mentally first. Although it will take at least 2 years to do so in a factual way, I believe there are many options in life and we can make ourselves happy by our own choice. I hope I will be able to accomplish my desire in 3 years. Sincerely yours.